I don't want to be a brick in a wall. All bricks look the same and they are cemented into place, kept in rigid order. And walls divide. And life is like banging your head...

We are the pigs

I advertise this blog as an anti-social, dropout, alternative lifestyle thing. But the subject matter is often money, and how to get it. We live in a consumer society. I am consumed. If you x-ray my soul there are dark spots. I have consumption. I don't want it and I am trying to rid myself of it, but it will get me in the end. Many of my ideas are a symptom of consumption.

Bacon. You didn't expect that word to be next did you?

Unlike garlic bread which was heralded for comic effect, bacon is without doubt the future. Imagine a bacon kebab. For full effect you also have to imagine that it's late and I've had a beer.

The rest of the world won't get this. You may as well log off now.

In Europe you get ham or pork. A bacon sarnie in Italy comes with Parma ham. Ham is not bacon. Sausage is not bacon either. In America you get something covered in maple syrup. Everywhere else you get dog or goat or mutton or kangaroo or whatever. Aligator. Chicken. Turk... I can't even write it.

Bacon is irresistable. Quality bacon. It's low brow, but people would buy it. Bacon is a co star, but we choose the celebrity because bacon is with it. We wrap sausages in it. Baste poultry in it. Burgers with a slice of bacon.

I see real coffee, gorgeous bread. A proper sit down restaurant. Like Starbucks. Mocha and a bacon on ciabatta. Brie, Oh, and a little horseradish.

Bacon doesn't need selling - This isn't bacon, this is home cured, thick cut, Wiltshire bacon. M and S style marketing - this little piggy went to market, Pigs R Us, Bacon Works, MacDonalds Farm. This is a franchise in the making.

Go to the bank at elevenses and no bank manager will turn you down. They're hungover same as you. They'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. We've done our research: We talked about bacon for an hour and everyone left the pub hungry. Lorenzo texted me and said, " no bacon in town, had to settle for a kebab." Just think how many people would choose bacon over elephant kebab. Those lumps of meat do look uncannily like an Elephants leg.

Bacon is so good I have to stop talking about it. It cures hangovers. It's an aphrodisiac. A fridge full of bacon is a better chat up line than a new litter of puppies...

Sometimes we take life too seriously. I think I am losing the plot. I have spent too much time on my own. I should settle down, buy a van and sell bacon butties. They would sell, I would make money and money would make me happy, wouldn't it?

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